Even if you no longer identify as Christian, these principles may still be deeply ingrained.
1. Turn the Other Cheek (AKA Be the Bigger Person, AKA "I need to suck it up") This often translates to: "Just keep being nice, and you’ll be rewarded." It can condition you to tolerate mistreatment in the hopes of eventual justice or peace. 2. Trust God (aka Do Not Trust Yourself) Many religious trauma survivors grow up believing they cannot rely on their own instincts. Even after leaving, it takes time & experience to rebuild trust in your own feelings. Years of being taught to override your instincts leave a lasting impact, even if you no longer consciously believe it. 3. Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged This principle, combined with the judgment survivors face for leaving the church, creates a double bind. Many develop a personal value of being nonjudgmental, but it can also make them hesitate to recognize red flags or hold others accountable. 4. Do Not Be Selfish The fear of selfishness runs deep for survivors. When you’ve been taught to give everything for your faith and come from a background where boundaries weren’t respected, setting boundaries can feel selfish. Even when someone articulates a need for boundaries, the guilt that arises often makes them difficult to maintain. Whether or not you still identify as Christian, know that you are allowed to have limits. If you're looking for a Biblically-based foundation for boundaries, I highly recommend Boundaries by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. It's a classic. If you're looking for a secular resource, I recommend Nedra Tawaab's Set Boundaries, Find peace. It's practical, empowering, and so helpful for navigating relationships.
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AuthorI'm Easin Beck, MFT (she/they), and this is where I share my thoughts about therapy-related things! Archives
November 2022
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Easin M. Beck, M.S. MFT
(717) 382-6807 [email protected] 1220 Valley Forge Rd., Suite 20, Phoenixville, PA 19460 |